Did We Choose Our Parents?

by Lynn A. Thomas
If part of our soul progression is in the choosing of our parents, race, and nationality before we were born, then one has to wonder, “Why did I choose my parents?”

How did the choosing of my parents, race and nationality define my beliefs, my life, and who I have become in this life?

This query brings introspection:  I like numbers and words; I am interested in both the mortal  mind and the spiritual nature; I care greatly about others, however I have my moments of being aloof; I can be self driven to distraction; yet I can feel quite unworthy with low-self-esteem issues.  I can be outgoing and friendly, but for the most part I seek the inner world and quiet contemplation.

Why did  I choose my mother?

As a teenager my mother’s procrastination would drive me crazy. She had a tendency to not finish anything she started.She would have half finished craft projects and paintings around the house.  She would start with an organization and soon quit. She would start a diet and soon quit. She would start a business idea and soon quit.

I would say to her, “Why do you never finish anything?” and she would just shrug. Now that I am getting older I catch myself falling into this pattern of not finishing things.  If I had not noticed it in her, would I have noticed it in myself? Would I have had the tendency at all if she had not had it?

My mother was artistically and musically talented. She loved to entertain – and would sing in front of any audience at a minimal prodding. She played the piano, guitar and the ukulele. If we were dining at a restaurant that featured a live band, Mom would be on the stage singing ballads and show tunes. Her eyes would sparkle with delight as she entertained.

She was also talented as a poet and as an artist.  Her oil paintings were quite good, her portraits were very good. Mom occasionally enjoyed but never pursued her talents.  I often thought that she wasted her life away not doing that which brought her such joy.

As a child I loved to sing and dance, but I never pursued it.  I have authored poetry, fiction and nonfiction throughout my life.  Perhaps I was influenced by my mother’s writing talent, however,  I did not take on her painting talent.

My mother was also spiritually advanced for her time and place and believed strongly in the spiritual side of life. Sadly, my mother’s seriously low self esteem, kept her from finishing tasks or pursuing her talents.

I have found that my moods swing from this tendency to a strong inner drive and determination. I must remain aware to catch myself swinging the pendulum, so to speak, too far in either direction. But if my mother held back, who influenced my at times aloof nature, strong inner drive and determination? My father.

My father was a conundrum, an egotist who gave of his time – and money – when he felt moved by a cause; with deep inner conflicts that for the most part, kept him emotionally distant.

While my mother loved words, the arts,  and spirituality; my father was intrigued with numbers, business, and the mind.  How to make money, how to get a bargain, how to use will power, etc.  He had a brilliant mind, one that liked to study and poke into the mind (his and others) and how we think.

Because of his influence, I like numbers, have a strong business aptitude and enjoy probing the mind.

Because of him, I can be aloof at times and am often alone and contemplating. I like my space, but  I can also be outgoing like my mother.  I genuinely care about people – especially my family.

Have you ever thought about this?

• How have your parents influenced your life?
• Why did you choose them as your parents?

An interesting experiment is to take a sheet of paper.

• Draw a line down the center.
• At the top of one column put “Mom” and at the top of the other column put “Dad”.
• Now write down their traits, talents and tendencies (one per line).
• After you have written them all down, go back over the list and see how you are the same or different.
• Then ask yourself how this has affected/influenced your life.
• Does it give insight into who you”are” — what you came to do — what your purpose is?

What if we had different parents? How would our life be different?

When I was very young, my mother would take me to the local grocery store.   I really liked this because there was a dill pickle barrel by the checkout counter.  I would choose a pickle and the grocer would hand it to me wrapped in wax paper.  His store featured a huge and ornate antique cash register that would pop up the prices in the display window and ring when the drawer opened.

The grocer was tall and handsome, and I would often think that if he had been my father, I could work at the store.

But in reality, if he had married my mother, then I could not have been me. They may have had a daughter but she could not be the me I am because I am a mixture of my current mother and father.  Their daughter could have traits similar to me, those from my mom, but the father equation would have changed.

So do we choose our parents; is parentage part of divine selection; or is it a random act?

For example, would Ronald Reagan have been President had he been born with different parents?

If they had different parents… would the music from Jimi Hendrix or Beethoven ever been played?

What about the works of Sister Teresa or formulas from Einstein?  What about the talent of your favorite athlete, artist or author?

How do our parents affect our intelligence, physical ability, tendency or traits?  Is there a life lesson to be learned from having those parents? Is parentage selected as an opportunity for soul growth?

Now if you are a parent, think about this… why did you children choose you?

Just think of the lineage of the parentage… for without your exact genealogy – back several generations to the root of your family tree – you could not be who you are if even one ancestor in your direct lineage were changed. Could Alex Haley have written Roots without his personal lineage?

Just for fun, you may want to try this simple experiment.
Take a sheet of paper and create five columns.  Write at the top of:
•    Column 1: Trait or Tendency
•    Column 2: Dad, yes or no
•    Column 3: Mom, yes or no
•    Column 4: Influence / Change Desired
•    Column 5: Steps toward solution

For example:

Trait                        | Dad |   Mom | Influence                        |  Steps To Solution
Procrastination |   No  |  Yes     |Never finish projects | Prioritize my projects

Using the above example, I have to wonder:  Is there something Dad consciously did that kept him from procrastinating or was it his nature to not procrastinate?

My mother’s artistically talented low self esteem mixes with my father’s mindful arrogant aloofness and I become a mix of them… like soup in a kettle.  But fortunately we can alter this soup mix with introspection, meditation, and spiritual growth.

For we are on the leading edge of where our parents came from; as our children are from our leading edge.

And as you look at the columns of the parental traits that affect your life, there is no denying their influence, especially during your formative years.

But when we look at those traits and tendencies with an open mind and detachment we can learn what we need to work on to grow spiritually.

If you spend any time working this list, you may also wonder “Why did my children pick me?”   After all, it’s easy to sit back and analyze our parents and say – this was a good trait, this was not acceptable behavior – but self examination from our own child’s perspective may feel more complex.

And Please — Don’t use this experiment for simply the negative… A great way to use this tool is as a Gratitude List… after all not all of your parentage and lineage can be all bad.

For example, in building a gratitude list you may find:

Trait    |  Dad |   Mom | Influence                |  Steps To Solution______
Travel|   Yes  |  Yes     |Love to Travel      | Take time to travel more!
Photo |  Yes   |  No       |Love to take Pics | Take more pictures!

For example – Travel – Dad and Mom Yes- loved to travel and I am grateful to inherit the love of doing so.

Either way you work with the list, it can be quite revealing.

Something miraculous can be revealed from the columns as we realize that we are not merely a person, but a soul having an earthly experience.

We may be affected by the talents and behaviors of our parents, but we are more than that.

We are having other influences as well… gaining knowledge and experiencing growth from this lifetime and beyond the material world.  We can focus and attract into our life that which we desire, enhancing – or changing –  the outcome of our lives.

A video from friend and mentor Greg Barrette helps us Get Over It and On With It…

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